The time is 6:36 am. I am awake. Nothing new there. I'm always awake at ungodly hours of the morning. For once though i'm awake because i slept all day...damn food poisoning to hell. Damn Sicily's Pizza. This is the second time i've gotten fucking poisoned from you assholes. Monday morning i'm calling the Better Business Bureau.
Harry Potter is my only confort at this time of the day. I find myself living vicariously through the movies and the books. I find myself getting really angry at the characters when they do something stupid. I would give anything in the world to be a student at Hogwarts. Or not even a student, just if this wonderful magical world was real, and i could be a part of it.
I know why i use Harry Potter as an escape. The lives on those pages are amazing, and mine is anything but. I play mom and i play happy. When most of the time i'm not happy and i'm not sure if i'm that great of a mom.
I've had men chasing after me lately. Something that is catching me off guard for i was never the pretty, skinny, or out going girl. I was shy, introverted and fat. i'm now just one of the three. But im' finding more and more that men like big girls. I love myself a lot more at the age of 23 then i did when i was 13. And of course that is what growing up is about, but i think there were other factors in this outcome. Jackie, John, Lura and Mo'Nique were the biggest influences in my life on body image.
I'm sorry that there are people dying in other countries. But i am more sorry that girls are starving themselves to death over here. America the beautiful...Beautiful meaning 5"9 and 115 lbs. Blonde hair, blue eyes and a fake tan.
Do i fit into the standard of beauty in this country standing a mere 5"3 and weighing........
.......Someday I'll be brave enough to write my weight out. But until then it's back to my diet of Tylenol Night Time and XXX Vitamin Water.
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